HOW TO DEAL WITH A GRIEVING CHILD (After the loss of their loved one)

 “Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer control our lives”-QUOTE

 

Life can be unfair sometimes, so they say. And for that case it doesn’t choose on who to damage when the time has come. Children, like any other person existing in this world also go through emotional battles and all these challenges can destroy them either mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally or both ways and so they all need assistance during their healing process.

“They will get used soon”, “They will just cope” are some easy replies some parents/guardians give out once they are asked on how their children are holding up with the grieving. And going even further this is how most of Tanzanians can respond to such “Yah, anasumbua lakini utafanyaje sasa?ndo maisha.Atazoea tu”. Oh please, yes atazoea tu but don’t you feel obligated on doing something to assist them?

When we lost our loved one last year I thought on how difficult it would be breaking the news to our then 5 years old niece and not how difficult the healing journey can be for her. Well, I thought may be what they say is right, Children heal fast and forget easily but shame it’s not, it’s just the society(some) prefer to ignore their feelings and shut down their emotions.

Once your child is breaking and is struggling to heal expect their crazy attitude to show up. Children have feelings too, some insane attitude may rise it can either mean they become too aggressive or they may isolate themselves (it depends) so, be observant  and calm. The loss for a child doesn’t mean death only, it can also be divorce of their parents, moving to a new town/city etc. It’s anything that will have them leave their comfort zone and start something new that they are not used of and it may not be very promising for them to adopt easily.

So, in today’s post I’m dropping down some ways that helped my family and I to assist our then 5 years old niece to come through after losing her very closest person.

1. ALLOW THEM TO BE EXPRESSIVE: Do not speak for them or block their thoughts. Don’t finish their sentences, stop talking for them anyhow. Listen to their questions and answer them with honesty, living them in a suspense create more confusion and damages to them.

I remember once she asked me these questions; But We prayed he shouldn’t die and then he died, didn’t God listen to us? When will he come back?  Are we going to be the same now he isn’t here? Who is going to be my best friend now? Who will be teaching me everything etc

 

2. COMFORT THEM: And help them find some spiritual Comfort. Depending with your faith let a child develop faith in God and not humans because someday that human will let them down too. With an example of my faith (Christian-Catholic) we do believe in resurrection and implementing that to a child brings hope that soon we shall meet and reunite. Therefore, by the word of God be Christian or Muslims can help a child find love, comfort and hope again and always.

 

3. CHANGE THEIR ROUTINES: Don’t Rush or Force changes. Slowly change your child’s routine

 Also, develop new hobbies for them; implement new ideas for them. Teach them on how to have fun in different ways, allow them to stay true to themselves. Don’t cut off their previous hobbies either.

 

4. TRAVEL WITH THEM: Children always live in the moment, so travelling helps to change environment, create new memories and live in awe each day

 

5. DON’T PUSH THEIR HEALING PROCESS: Healing process isn’t scripted. We all have a different way to heal so as our children too. Do not set limits of when your child should heal. Do not compare your children’s healing process from the movies or story books you have read rather help them find themselves and their inner peace again. Help them reform themselves and the confidence.

 

Lastly, if you are still living in the same space where tragedy happened you may want to consider to rearrange things to a certain level. It can either be a bedroom, living room or any place especially where they used to spend most of times together. Also give them something from their loved one (who they lost) for them to always keep and treasure.

 

So, those are what have worked well with us in assisting our 5 years old to heal the after death grieving.

 

Have you found this article helpful?

Comment down more ways of helping a grieving child in order to help others who are struggling too.